It is 3:37am, and all is calm in my world. I am overcome by a feeling of peace in this moment, a moment I have needed for some time now. It is silent; everyone in the car is asleep except me, and that is okay. I take some pride in being able to provide a safe, quiet space, not only for myself but also for the ones I love.

​I look to my right and see the woman I love. Her work shift starts in eighteen minutes, and I know she is exhausted. In this moment, however, she appears at perfect peace, asleep and not in pain. I want to give her more; I want to beg her to stay at home until she finds a better job, but I suspect she will go anyway, so I say nothing.

​These are my “lottery dreams”: financial independence for the ones I love. I have no real desires of my own other than to take care of my own. I am not sure when that paradigm changed; however, it is much more peaceful than wishing for things for myself that I will never obtain. I wonder what she is dreaming. It is never as simple as it appears on the surface—”girl pretty, fire good.” I am not a Neanderthal, and I suspect few really are; I suspect the Neanderthals may have been given a bad rap as well. Still, I am driven by those instinctual desires to protect, to provide, to build a fire, and to raise a family. So, I look at her in this moment and I know, I know there is nothing I would not do for her to make her life better.

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If you want to know more about how I ended up here doing what I do, maybe check out the book: Fragmented

~ Ryan